AKA The one where I go all Supernanny on you.
I was looking forward to the Summer Holidays. My children had completed their first full year at school. The sun was shining. I'd made a few plans, bought a few new garden toys. We were set.
Then school ended.
I don't know if it's tiredness from a long final term at school, or the heat, but my two little angels have lost their halos. They seem incapable of playing together, or with me, without fighting. They don't want to do anything. It takes us forever to leave the house, they drag their heels, won't keep their socks on and don't see why they should try to do a wee before we go out.
I usually do my food shopping online, but - desperately needing a diversion - I decided to take the children to Sainsbury's.
This is when I had a brainwave. I'd watched enough episodes of Supernanny (before I had children) to know that children like to be engaged in an activity. So I stuck their toy trolleys in the car and got them to write lists.
They both wrote six things on their lists and took a pencil to cross out each item as they put it in their trolley.
We floated around the supermarket in a cloud of our own wondrousness. Wondrousness? That must be a real word because it describes us in the biscuit aisle in Sainsbugs. Other Mothers looked on in awe. Small children turned green before our very eyes. Old ladies smiled approvingly.
The boys put their goods on the conveyor belt, then packed it in their bags for life.
I had won at shopping.
Cue the sound of a needle being dragged from a record.
Of course this only worked the first time I tried it.
We went back to Sainsbury's this week and my little darlings didn't want to write their lists, they wanted ALL the crisps and they fought over a four-pack of garlic. A dozen old dears patted my arm sympathetically and said, 'You're brave.'.
It's back to online shopping for us.